She came in through the bathroom window.

On a personal note, 2012 is 3 days in and it’s proven to be a tricky, and challenging start. Sometimes you have to make really tough decisions with a long term perspective. When I was 19, 20, it was very easy for me live by the seat of my pants relying on other people to make me happy, with a hazy demeanor. Now that I’m getting a bit older (turning 25 in October, which I know this is the part where anyone over 28 is going ‘ughhhh honey you aint old! but I feel old) my long term vision for what I want in my life is becoming more and more dominant in my decision making.

I may not know all of what I want from my life but I have, however, figured out what I don’t want. I’ve allowed myself to make two choices thus far; going with the flow, for as long as it takes me and hoping I land on my feet and hope happiness walks into my life without effort or consequence (this choice was a failure) and my new choice; to let life lead me into certain guided scenarios, let them play out for a comfortable amount of time, and when that time comes to evaluate where it will, with few doubts, lead me I make a decision to continue, or quit while I’m ahead and try something new.

So far the only trouble with this plan, is that you can’t see where love or relationships will take you, you can’t really guide your emotions, or others for that matter. So all of the sudden my decisions, which have helped keep me sane on the long and sometimes lonely road of independence, effect people I care about. All I know is that I can only control what life I choose to lead. I can’t think about what’s best for other people. Perhaps this is just a stage in my life where this is my reality, or perhaps this is who I’ve become, Utterly self-dependant.

I feel remourse, and my heart aches when I think of the hurt that can cause, and the hurt I’ve felt on the receiving end. I can only stand by those tough decisions, and the tough decisions those around me make, because I know me, (and I trust in people knowing themselves) better than I’ll probably let anyone else know me, and there’s an odd comfort in that. So here’s to 2012. May those tough decisions make us stronger and better people in the long run, just as we’ve planned.